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Reynolds here... recently I’ve been thinking about where much of my rage comes from. After thinking about this for a while I realized that much of my anger is a direct result of a small state just to the North of my very own Connecticut. If you’re not a geographical idiot I think you can ascertain that I’m talking about Massachusetts. This state is the breeding ground for morons. I think when people are born in the state of Massachusetts that they are immediately 75 years old, blind, deaf, and extremely stupid. I would first like to talk about the people that we in Connecticut refer to as “Mass holes”.
I assume that most of the readers of our little site here are licensed drivers that live in the state of Connecticut. I can’t be the only one out there that has noticed that every single car that has one of those white and red license plates is a complete and total jackass, totally oblivious to everything going on around him. I’ll take you through the events of your average Mass hole encounter. You’re driving along in your green 1997 Toyota Tercel, or whatever lesser machine you might be driving, when a large powder blue early eighties dodge caravan pulls out directly in front of you because the driver lost his right eye to glaucoma 30 years earlier. You proceed to get slightly angered by these actions but you deal with it. Once this van is in front of you, you notice the mass plate and you know you’re in for something special. A few minor incidents will probably happen along the way, for example: 1. the blinker will go on a couple times in different directions without the genius actually turning, maybe the fat underbelly of his or her arm keeps swaying into the blinker control as he or she goes over bumps...I don’t know. 2. He or she will proceed to act like they are playing the slalom version of ski-free on their virtual boy, swaying from over the yellow lines then back to the gutter... Back and forth like a pendulum. 3. There will be some kind of projectile thrown out his window... usually either an empty tube of sea-bond denture adhesive or a soiled Depends undergarment. After your heart is pounding from the near miss collisions of the maniac van in front of you and your car is completely covered in soiled adult diapers that are well affixed with ridiculously strong prosthetic tooth glue, you will be ready to murder this scum bag. The driver eventually will decide he wants to turn, and of course no blinker now that he needs it. Usually at this point I go into a rage of beeping, flipping off, and spouting of profanity until I get to my destination… This is not my recommended course of action though. If something like this happens to you, I think you should first follow this person to their home (even though that entails entering the chowder capital of the world) and block the exit from their driveway. The next step has countless choices, but I just recommend grabbing the person by his or her tongue and drag them over to your car. Then you fashion a nice rope out of the extra skin around the neck area of your victim and tie this to your rear axel. When you drive down the road they will be sucked into the back of your car like a wrinkly dolphin caught in a tuna net until your axel chews em up and turns them into old person burger not even fit for your company's 4th of July cookout. Yes my feelings are strong towards these primitive beasts…
I had initially intended to go on about other aspects of Massachusetts that angered me, but this alone seems to be enough of an outburst for me this week, even though Patriots day still gets on my nerves!!!
Screnzasauras
PS.. if you read the site and haven’t done so already.. go sign the guestbook.. we are curious how many different people actually come here.. doesn’t matter what you say. Just take 2 minutes out of your busy schedules to write something.. ANYTHING!