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What a freak!! |  |
The other day I received an instant message from Q-stain with a link to a site... I proceeded to go to this site, and I was completely horrified at what I saw. It was what appeared to be some type of autistic plucked quail. This intrigued me so I read on. I figured the article was going to be on the malpractice of the Purdue chicken monopoly or something along those lines. To my dismay I discovered that it was actually a picture of Michael Jackson!! This picture was like an episode of Frasier… no matter how horrible it is people can’t stop watching it. After a good 20 minutes of amazement I got to thinking about the time freshmen year when Bro-Cef and I were discussing the evolution of one Michael Jackson.
It all started back in the days of the Jackson 5 when a little “black” “human” “boy” (I now use those terms very lightly) was singing to his very hearts content. Back in those days he was a little pudgy Gary Colemanesque 6 year old with no aspirations to become the bird skeleton that he is today. After this stage Michael seemed to move on to his stereotypical teenage black kid with the jerry-curl and red leather Levis... This was still well and good. Around 1990 was when things started going to hell. (Coincidentally this is when the world found out he was a homosexual pedophile). At this point little Mikey was just an aging washed up pervert. He wanted a new image. So he thought to himself, hey when I first started selling records as a black man I did great. Why not try it as a white guy. So after months of painful skin bleaching and plastic surgery he was a white man... A really ugly white man... But white nonetheless.
He tried out his new look for a while… He collaborated with Eddie Murphy in some ridiculous ecstasy induced love song, which was quite scary, but he still wasn’t back on top. He then came to the stage in his life that all of us go through. The stage where you buy the elephant mans skeleton and start a theme park for little boys in Europe. After these exploits he decided he needed another change. He tried black man and white man, what else is there… WHITE WOMAN!.. so he lengthened his hair had much much more plastic surgery and probably got his penis removed… At this point in his life he did some collaboration with his sister Latoya, whom he looked nearly identical too. Still poor Mike wasn’t on top. The only combo he hadn’t tried was black woman, but after all the painful bleaching he thought it would be a waste to go back. Instead he went way out on a limb. He decided it would be a good idea to try BIRD. I mean everybody loves birds right.. So he got his nose removed in favor of a stylish beak, and lived off only seed and worms for the next two months in preparation of his newfound aviary status. Well to keep a long story short, the bird thing really didn’t work out… After the beak fell off at the VMAs he just got really depressed. A few lawsuits later and even more new noses, poor Mike Jackson just doesn’t know what to do with himself. But low and behold he now looks exactly like the elephant man skeleton he purchased years earlier… I guess things just have a way of working out.
DJ Screnzalot