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I was sitting at Q’s dorm the other day with nothing in particular to do, so I just flipped through the channels to see what was on. After passing through them once, I decided that the only things on were a Tony Little Freestyle Gazelle infomercial and MTV’s “TRL.” I quickly made the easy choice of watching that freak Tony Little swing around like an ass raped ape. MTV is the most worthless example of American culture today, and it should be eradicated from earth.
I remember back in the day when MTV was actually entertaining. It had the awesome animation of the chick with the chainsaw cutting the TV in half and everything. Eddie Money and Duran Duran videos were played all the time, it kicked ass. It was even still good in the early nineties when grunge became huge, and they still played mostly videos, since it is MUSIC TELEVISION!!! Now it is crappy ass interviews with even crappier artists, all of which I could care less about. They no longer promote bands with talent and try and help them out. Instead they promote what major record labels tell them to promote. How else would all 50 Britney Spears clones be around? Now if you want to find something original and fresh, you have to look for indy labels such as Vagrant, Drivethru, and Asbestos.
You may be wondering why I am so hostile toward this channel that brings many people hundreds and hundreds of hours of entertainment, and is beloved by many people in my own age group. Well, MTV is nothing more than a mass marketing scheme that tries to tell whoever watches it what to buy and what to listen to. And the most pathetic aspect of this is that people actually follow…for the most part. MTV tries its hardest to define what pop culture is and promotes bands that are essentially the highest bidders. Unfortunately, people buy into this smut.
Take for example the new craze in retro looking bands suck as The Strokes, The Hives, The Vines, The White Stripes….the list goes on and on I’m sure. These bands fucking suck. They do not have an original sound, and they do not have any musical talent at all. The only thing that they can play well is probably the skin flute, if they are even equipped to do so. But, MTV thought that it would be a cute trendy thing that would catch on quickly, and unfortunately they were right. Millions of people have bought their cds. Unfortunately for the buyers, they can’t tell which band is which without looking at the cd, so its kinda hard to listen to them since theyre always staring at the label.
Now its time for the story that isn’t such a success. Poor poor Andrew W.K. and his 500 songs that are all exactly alike and have something to do with parties in them. The only one I know the name of is “Party Hard,” but I’m sure that I could guess a few…”Party all Night,” “Party til you Puke,” “Partying Rocks you Socks off”, “Take that Cocaine Balloon out of your Rectum so we can Snort it and Party”…etc…Once again, he is nothing more than a no talent assclown that gets his terrible video played on MTV. As a result, “Party Hard” is on every soundtrack of every movie that has been released in the last 6 months, and is even on video games. But who actually listens to this? Who do you know that actually has an Andrew W.K. cd that he or she bought….NO ONE!!! MTV promoted the piss out of this 80s metal band throwback, and no one wants to listen to it. No one likes you W.K…just eat you head or something so you can stop cursing the world with craptacular music.
To top everything off, the poster child for this horrible station is Carson Daly. Could there be a more horribly boring human being than him!!! He has a dull voice, can’t act, can’t do an interview, and is about as intelligent as a handful of pubes. Carson Daly, you make me sick, but millions of 12 year old girls want to hump your face, you should be proud. MTV sucks, and you should think twice before you buy your next Madonna techno remix cd…Pocs
The Belloni Pony