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Recently MC Screnz and I were discussing some of the more enjoyable aspects of our high school years, and some of the things that we miss as well. One of the topics that came up was the abundant number of mentally challenged people in Stafford High School. This is the only time that I will use that euphemism in this column, so from now on I’ll refer to these wonderful people as retards.
I am a huge fan of retarded people, I’ll make no secret of that. What I am not a huge fan of is people that think that it is bad to laugh at the absolutely hilarious antics of these people. It is almost impossible to not laugh at them, not because I want to make fun of them, but because it is out of the ordinary…after all, isn’t that the very definition of humor? It’s not to often that you can see a chipper 300 pound person picking his nose until a steady river of blood spews from his nose while the picker himself is completely oblivious to this. How can someone not find the same person picking his cornhole and eating the brown treasure funny either?? If you can’t laugh at this, then you should probably deserve to run nakedly through a corn field backwards, pirate smoker.
I hate people that look down upon others for laughing at retards. I’m really not the type of person to hurt a retard or anything like that, but come on, they’re hella funny. If you can’t laugh at someone like that, then you either are mildly retarded yourself and can’t comprehend why something like that is so funny, or your scrote is to tight on your nuts and you have to make the lives of people around you as shitty as yours is. Well ya know what, you deserve to be the victim of a surprise bukake attack.
Retards were put on earth by God to make us happier. I can’t tell you how many bad days I’ve had where a retard cheered me up just by tripping on his own poop that he threw ten minutes ago and making good use of that chrome bike helmet that he wears. Even the parents of retards know that it is alright for people to enjoy their presence….after all…why else would they dress them up in neon colored spandex pants and an “I Love Paul Reiser” t-shirt. Still not convinced…alright.
Laughing at the wonderful antics of your favorite retard does not in any way harm to future of him or her. They do not care what you think, because they don’t understand why you are laughing. They still have the potential to be very successful people. For instance I once knew a retard that graduated near the top of her class. We’ll call this person Sam, since that seems to be a very popular name for Hollywood retards these days, so I suppose I’ll just have to follow the trend. Now Sam wasn’t even close to being the smartest person around, but she tried very hard and at the same time amused people with her great comments. And despite her much spoken of lack of Coca Cola, we all loved her…heh…
So all of you that want to criticize me for my beliefs on this subject, just go ahead and do it because I really don’t care what you think. You’ll be devoured by a pack of angry badgers before too long.
Bellco