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Who would you rather have making your food??? |  |
Well, that inevitable time of year is fastly approaching…. yes I’m talking about daylight savings time or falling back as its so playfully referred to as. I wouldn’t have such a problem with this biannual event if the clocks changed themselves. For the most part they do not, unless you get one of those atomic clocks that cost about four thousand dollars, and if you buy one of those you’re an asshole and I have no respect for you or your dog. The thing that bothers me the most is that there is always that goddam clock in your car that you have to change with a fucking utensil so ridiculously small that you naturally lose it on the trek to your car. Then you have that jackass friend who always has to comment on the fact that your clock is off by saying something sarcastic like, “Hey wow I can’t believe its only 9” when he damn well knows that your clock is off. At this point I recommend either smashing that piece of shit in the face with your tire iron or violently swerving your car so he smacks his unprepared skull into the window. Your massive over-reacting to his comment will make him think twice before he sasses you again about the clock. Usually by the time you can fashion an instrument small enough to fit in those little buttons and you successfully transport it to your car it’s already time to SPRING AHEAD!!
This brings up a big question… Why do we even have daylight savings time anyway? Things all end up the same in the long hall. Well Ill tell you why! It’s those fucking farmers. How can you really justify changing something as omnipresent as time itself for a group of laborers? You don’t see anybody jumping up to change our entire perception of WHEN it is right now for plumbers or disc jockeys that want to sleep a little longer. Why cant they just wake up an hour earlier or later… Time itself should not be affected on whether or not a lazy ass farmer wants to get his ass out of bed. The farmer in general is basically an impotent illiterate old man whose only knowledge of the outside world comes from the daily weather broadcast on the local radio station and the farmer’s almanac. Do farmers know that almanacs are supposed to be books of MAPS and not books full of shitty stew recipes and dates of the county fairs?
Now that I think about it, what the fuck do we need farmers for anyway? With all these innovations in genetically engineered foods, id be glad to eat mutton from Dolly the cloned sheep infused with viagra or a piece of toast made with some type of super-wheat that can cure rickets and osteoporosis. Id also be willing to bet that a scientist wouldn’t fucking care what time he had to wake up to stick an IV of some gene-juice into a baby cow’s throat so we could all have tasty veal cutlets + calcium and vitamin D for dinner. You may think that I’m going a little overboard over something as easy as changing my clocks an hour back, but its wasted energy and frankly I could care less what you think. Well I guess we could all learn from Arizona… It may be 200 degrees there year round with sand tornados the likes you’ve only seen in “The Mummy” and “The Mummy Returns,” but at least they don’t have to fuck with their clocks every six months…. IM out
SCREENS