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Like most metrosexual males, I enjoy shopping. I like going to the mall and buying various things and looking at others that I know I can't afford, but may be able to at some later point in my life when I begin harvesting that uranium in my backyard. And like everyone else in the world, I have stores that I like better than others. But all of my least favorite stores combined cannot even touch the horror of an establishment know as Wal-Mart.
You can't help but to wonder what the hell is going on as soon as you pull into the parking lot. People are usually shooting up heroin inside of their Chevy Celebrities, and the lot itself reeks if aborted fetuses. There is also always a thug installing his brand new road thunder subwoofer that he got inside on sale for 8 dollars. The adventure doesn't stop when you get inside. As soon as you walk through the door, the heavenly fragrance of burned popcorn, fried meat and dirty vagina hits you in the face like a flaming sack of shit. Now that you are good and nauseous, it's time to save money!
Wal-Mart claims to save people vast amounts of money on items that they would normally buy at a grocery store, clothing store, etc. Lets look now at how this is false. First of all, anyone that buys clothes there should be beaten with a croquet mallet. Clothes at Wal-Mart wouldn't be fit for use on a dog's asshole. They are shitty quality and fall apart after 3 washings. If you want to save some money, but decent clothes and have them last for years as opposed to a few months. Not to mention the fact that they melt when it rains, and burn through your skin. Then medical bills will be added to the expense! Wal-Mart also does not save anyone any money on food. In the amount of time that it takes one to buy a tube of toothpaste and a jug of bobo juice, one could have worked an 8 hour shift at McDonald, went to a regular store, and went home with enough time to jerk off on a TV screen watching reruns of "Ellen."
This brings up the biggest problem with Wal-Mart, the employees. The people around the store typically can't speak English and are much more eager to rape your mother than they are to help you. You may also run into a very old employee that thinks that you are trying to fight him. Just punch him in the face and move on. Getting any type of service other than a 3 dollar blow job is not feasible. Once you get the shitty item that you spent 3 hours searching for, you must wait in the enormous line to pay for your item. Go to the back of the store and stand behind the 12-year-old mother of six and wait your turn. But don't worry, the line will move quickly when the cashier in-training with Down's syndrome is hard at work. He'll surely fly through the customers. It's great idea to give the mentally challenged job opportunities, but lets keep those opportunities limited to cleaning and political office. Anyways, one is much better off just walking out with your "purchases" like most of the "shoppers." Fuck Wal-Mart.
Chrisb