|
|
 |
 |
Flipping through the channels the other night I realized that every time I pass this one channel, I see the same exact thing. And no I’m not talking about the Spanish channel where I always see a hot girl with huge boobs kissing a fat greasy guy. I’m talking about Lifetime, Television for Women.
Women across the country, what are you gaining from watching this station. Why do you need a television channel that is just for women? And just because it is specified to be for women, why does it have to be against men? I can’t remember the last time I flipped through that channel and didn’t see a woman crying on the ground as her husband beats the tar out of her and then proceeds to crap on her head. Not all men beat their wives, so why try and make a station that pumps the idea into single and divorced women’s heads that they do. It just makes them big evil man hates or ever worse…women’s rights activists. Just to prove how unlikely some of the scenarios are in a Lifetime movie are, I sat down and actually watched and entire one. This is what happened in a nutshell.
Joe construction worker comes home to his southern trailer home everyday. He’s tired and sore from a long day digging a huge hole with a garden spade, just so he can “put food on the table” and provide for his wife. The only things that he ask for in return is that Sally housewife has a plate of bacon and a six-pack ready for him when he gets home everyday to watch the monster trucks on TNN. And then one day, Joe comes home and Sally didn’t make his plate of bacon, and she forgot to go to the local food hut and pick up his sixer of wild horse. That’s when the trouble begins. Joe slaps Sally across the face and then proceeds to pick her up and slam her back across his knee. This would kill 9-10 people, since Joe is 6’7 (6’9 if you factor in his scotch hat), but Sally is one tough lady. She manages to crawl into the bathroom, turn on the shower, and sits in a fetal crouch in the corner of it crying as making her tons and tons of makeup run, while Joe is screaming in the hall to never forget his bacon and booze again. Then Sally finally gets the courage to fight back one day, cuts off Joe’s penis with dull scissors, and then proceeds to shoot him in the head with the 44 that her new lesbian lover lent her.
First of all, everyone knows that you don’t drink beer with bacon. Ya just don’t do it. Second of all, not all men attempt to break their wives backs if they forget something. I’d say that more of them just grab them in the hair and proceed to toss them like a shot-put. Okay…none of this happens. But these are the kind of crazy ideas that Lifetime is putting into the heads of the people that watch their crappy anti-male programming. I say that we put an end to this mayhem or make a station for men about all of the possible evils that women can put them through, which all are caused by horrible battles with PMS.
Bellkake
PS...Yell at Reynolds for not writing his article. Just cause his penis fell off doesn't mean that he can't type.