|
|
 |
OR!!! |  |
This is something that has irked me for years. Why does everyone on earth think that babies are so damn cute? If a baby is sitting in the middle of the room in a ocean of its own bodily fluids, someone always goes out of his or her own way to comment on how adorable it is. And the people who don’t think that babies are cute are shunned by our retarded society, so they usually just play along and make the stupid voices too. Well, people like that deserve to be smacked in the face with a wiffle ball bat a few dozen times.
For example, the wonderful holidays are coming up, and I (just like everyone reading this I’m sure) has someone in their family that has just recently had a baby. Now the main focus on everyone’s attention will be this slightly aged fetus that has no comprehension skills, drool, and defecates in its own pants. If this isn’t enough to make anyone with rational thoughts annoyed, the people that witness these happenings all talk with stupid voices with mispronounced words, make even dumber faces, and believe that the baby shitting itself is simply adorable. Well, they’re wrong…and you’re wrong too if you believe that it is…and probably retarded as well.
I have a unique thought to all of you people out there that believe that any of this stuff is cute. What is your opinion on old people? That’s right…the people that are in rest homes that watch Bob Barker and his big fucking wheel and reruns of “Matlock” and “Murder She Wrote” all day long…while not understanding a word of it. In fact, they probably can’t tell the difference between Angela Lansbury and that fag that sodomizes the dog from “Blues Clues.” Well, babies are not that far from these people. In fact, they are strikingly similar.
Lets compare your cousin’s 4-month-old baby named Joey to your 86-year-old great grandpa Red. Joey and Red both enjoy drooling all over themselves and blowing spit bubbles. They’re both very small, wrinkly, and chubby…especially considering the fact that I’m sure gramps Red shrunk at least 2 feet in height in the last 10 years. They both crap their pants with great regularity, and probably both wear diapers. When you try to talk to them, they both give you a blank look that symbolizes that their intelligence is that of a dead wombat. They both lack hair, teeth, and the ability to walk on their own. The list goes on and on and on. Yet, no one finds poor ol’ Red adorable. In fact, you find him repulsive and probably pray that this Christmas will be his last. On the other hand, every time Joey pukes all over your face, you probably think that it is cute, because he’s just that innocent…well if Red projectile vomited all over your Pumas you probably get pissed off right quick and kick him in the dome piece, even though he’s just as innocent as the jumbo zygote.
So, before you start pumping out kids of your own, think about this: once that cute little baby stage passes you have yourself a pain in the ass money drain of a kid that is going to drive you completely insane for the rest of your life. Why don’t you consider adopting an old man…atleast when they stop doing the SAME EXACT THINGS that a baby does, it’ll be because his heart exploded in his chest and he’s not around to bother you anymore.
Bellman